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| How Much Do I Love You? |
I've been thinking of you today
of what I could possibly say
to ensure you know how I feel.
Please don't get upset
I'm trying to avoid regret
over any missed chances to reveal
my inner self. the real me.
If ever I fail to look in your eyes
to dreamily spout numerous sighs
or fail to commend your fabulous thighs
you must punish me, soundly.
You must teach me a lesson.
Take an ice pick firm in hand
press the tip into my throat
and thrust it through my neck
and out the other side.
then fill your bathtub with salty water
drop into the water a small electrical appliance.
be sure it's not a battery operated one
it must be plugged into the wall socket.
and push me into the water.
Make sure I hit my head on the porcelain.
Then fill the tub with a half inch of gasoline
be sure I haven't tried to slink away guiltily
threaten me for a while with the prospect of lighting it
make me beg for mercy.
demand that I sob in humiliation.
degrade me completely
laugh at my penis.
step on it. really hard. with spiked golfer shoes.
then light the tub and me.
get back so you don't get singed.
before I die make sure I'm rushed to the hospital
where they can try unsuccessfully to save me
to prolong the agony for weeks
but to a certain terminal end.
a welcomed end.
I swear I'll always love you.
Please don't hurt me.
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